Monday, May 13, 2013

Levelling Up.

I woke up on this (unsurprisingly) chilly morning with a Sudden Clarity Clarence look on my face (something like this, except I wasn't high on life). I was surprised that I didn't wake up with a headache or any grogginess considering last night's events. I thought to myself, "What if we are all a part of a gigantic video game like the Sims or GTA, or any other game that has the option of displaying a character's statistics based on its "life" in the game. Like in the Sims, in which we can customize the characters by giving each one of them hobbies, personalities, unique abilities, etc., what if someone (umm... God?) did the same for us, humans." Each one of us reacts to a certain thing differently, based on our customization. Lets take alcohol as an example for the sake of the argument. After a night of heavy consumption, some of us wake up with a mind shattering, brain ripping, brain pounding headache which forces us to take necessary measures to combat the hangover, while others wake up normally and go about their daily routine. It all depends on the characteristics that are given to us from the ones available in a long drop down menu somewhere.

What if we are just characters in the game of life being played by the gods and we're just experiencing the game in the best way possible. What if life, the universe and everything is just a massive, multiple server, PvP game between the gods, with each God and His specialized ability controlling the various aspects of life, like wisdom (including sudden clarity moments), beauty, personality (based on experiences in life), death, etc.,. If that is the case, shouldn't we have our own stats bar on record somewhere, indicating our XP/HP in our various skills? This reminds of something I read on reddit some time ago about working out at the gym. I can't find the post and the comment right now though. Search on reddit is a pain in the gluteus maximus. From what I can recollect, a redditor said that working out is like levelling up. You gain all that muscle and power and like in a game, you level up in real life (there's an app to track your progress). I found that really cool and deep. What if there actually is a stats bar that fills up automatically based on our actions but the aliens stole it?

Some more food for thought - Mother's day and Father's day should be spent in celebrating the life of the first born and that mother's days and father's days should be on the birthdays of their children.
Not hungry? okay.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Revenge of the sixth.

Hi, again.
First of all thanks for clicking the link. I know you may racked your brains for the last time you saw a link to this blog and I know that you've forgotten that you've liked the blog's Facebook page. It receded into the list of the millions of Facebook pages that you once liked and didn't give a damn about the second after the "Like" turned to "Liked".You aren't the only one. I've never once visited the blog's Facebook page or this website. Okay, I lied. I visited this webpage once... OKAY FINE, MULTIPLE TIMES JUST TO GIVE THE PAGE HITS! I was honestly surprised to see the page views cross 10,000. I even had a mini party in my head for it.

An update on me. Contrary to popular belief, I'm alive. I'm approximately 11384 km (7074 miles, for my fellow Americans). I have survived a year of college in America, oops, pardon me, 'MURICA! THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Other than the winter, which lasted for an insanely long time, I seem to like it here, so far. The winter is ridiculous here. I could rant on and on about the sub zero temperatures and how stupid and confusing the Farhenheit scale is compared to the Celsius scale, which I've used my entire life, but it is not this day. Today is a nice day. The birds are chirping about their freedom, the sun is shining with it's rays of freedom, the leaves are rustling about in the wind speaking of their freedom, there's freedom everywhere. Typical 'Murican Day. I shall post about my experiences in college and time here, in the US, in the later posts.

I see that my last post speaks of Manchester United's major screw up last year. Ha, perfect timing for this post then. Number 20 on the way! Haven't been able to keep track of the IPL as closely as I would have liked to. My IPL fantasy team is screwed over because all the players I choose secretly have a meeting and decide not to play well in that particular match.

Here's to more rants and complaints about my life at that point in time, no more clicking of the Forgot Password? button on and no more rubbing your eyes and pinching yourself and doubting whether the link to this blog is a spam which would take you to webpage asking you to shoot the rubber duck or download a silent ringtone. I'm hungry now, WHERE THE HELL IS MY EXTRA LARGE, DEEP FRIED, QUARTER POUND FREEDOM BURGER?!

Hmm....DaedalusMinion here. I am making an entry here to remind Akshith I exist too. Fuck yeah India.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Opinionated Thoughts.

So Manchester City won the Premier League title after 44 years. Some say that they truly deserved it. It'll be a crime to disagree. Some say that they managed to win it because of their filthy rich owners and thus good quality players. I wouldn't disagree. Their never say die attitude even after United were leading by 8 precious points and even after they were trailing QPR till injury time in their final match of the season make them deserving champions. United did fuck up their chances of winning EPL title #20. They have themselves to blame. WHO GIVES AWAY AN 8 POINT LEAD?! For now, until the beginning of the next season, Manchester is Blue. The Reds should use this as inspiration to kick City's wealthy ass.

And now, it's time for emo Akshith to be emo.
"She" here is fictional. "He" could be fictional.
She said something that he had not heard for quite sometime. "How could she?", he pondered, "Why would she?". His thoughts wandered from acceptance, to denial, to hatred and finally to insensitivity, the most common state of mind in which he functioned. He felt that he really needed to hear it, a reality check of sorts. Everyone has their opinions, he shouldn't be bothered, instead use opinions to get better. Why is he making it a big deal, he pondered. He shouldn't.
Chetan Bhagat's tweet is so true. Most suited for the current state of affair in his life.
He was awake 15 minutes past his bedtime because of it. 15 precious minutes spent in thinking.

House is my new obsession for now. Not watching Game of Thrones until I finish reading the books. Haven't started reading the books. The character of Dr House is so perfectly scripted that he instantly becomes a role model. Love the fact that he hides his "misery" and boredom in jokes and sarcasm.
Sister Mary Eucharist - You hide behind your intelligence
Dr House - Yeah that's pretty stupid.
Sister Mary Eucharist - And you make jokes because you're afraid to take anything seriously. Because if you take things seriously, they matter. And when they matter ....
Dr House - When things go wrong, I get hurt. I'm not tough, I'm vulnerable.
‎"Even with the most calculated plans, unpredictable things happen. But no matter what, we keep going".

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Football-ing the Internet.

It's the middle of the night, the cat is wailing, you're not interested though, instead there is a bright screen of a tablet in front of you which has your attention. On that screen are, approximately, 10 people and a ball frozen in motion, like as if Kronos had arisen and was testing out powers. You stare at the screen, in anticipation of being able to watch the men and ball move. Nothing happens. You start tapping the screen, urging the men to do something interesting. They rebel. Then panic strikes. You curse. You start to sweat. The cat wails louder. You still ignore it. Then you pray to The Almighty, begging Him to stop the torture and penalize you for your misdeeds in some other way. Then you start to rape the modem, abusing it and the internet service provider in the process, calling them cheats, among other eargasmic words which if spoken in front of your mom would cause a seizure of her heart. After the modem has restarted, you coax the tab to function well so that you can reap the benefits that come with a good internet connection and a device that supports Flash. Finally, after 10 minutes of intense struggle, that would have made the Mahatma proud, Real Madrid vs Bayern Munich live stream plays on the tab. But by then, you're too sleepy to bother about extra time  and the result. But deep inside, you're fighting to stay awake, deep down you know you need to watch the match, 'cuz you need a good Facebook status and you need likes on it, to increase your mana. The urge to sleep over powers your worthless thoughts and you sleep, missing the penalties and the expressions on the faces of Real Madrid's staff and team when Ronaldo didn't score.
I know. It hurts.
You curse life.

I just watched this video. Seems apt.

UEFA needs to pick up tricks from the IPL. Having cheerleaders is going to draw the attention of more men, especially those who are tired of the ones in the IPL. If there was an award for fair play, John Terry would have thought twice before kicking the opponents buttock, he would have had the chance to play in the final. Goalkeepers would put that extra bit of effort to save a goal if there was an equivalent of Karbonn Kamaal Catch like Karbonn Kamaal Save. Replacing the mind blowing expression of GOOOOOAAAAAAALLLL when there is a goal, with one equivalent to DLF Maximum, maybe something like "Mastercard Priceless Shot" will help in re-branding scoring goals. Players will be inspired to create Priceless moments. There should also be good looking women to interview those on the benches even if their job is to make bland jokes and asking stupid questions. It would keep the TV audience interested when the crowd chants become unbearable and the ball is just being passed around.

Barcelona vs Chelsea was a good match. Don't think I've ever been excited more while watching a football match. And I don't watch football often.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Times Have Been Better

You may have wondered if this blog had been packed up in a banana leaf and left on a busy Indian street for the cows to devour and then excrete out and then used by the farmer for variety of purposes. You may have even been right, if it wasn't for those meddling kids and their dog. You may have been right if I hadn't known of what goes on in your mind. You may have been right if I had been utilizing my ample free time in doing something productive. Fortunately, you're wrong. For now...

Once upon a time, I had a certain job. A job that could have fetched me a good amount of the green notes, which help run the universe (I'm talking of money, not drugs), if I had the will power to work. Then one fine day, which coincidentally was the second day of the job, the will power to remain employed was thrown to the dogs. Asking people about their eating habits didn't suit me. I may have even scared off one of the to-be-respondent. That's how life is... Women just don't want to give me their phone numbers. Insert a sigh, if you please. It was the universe speaking to me in God-tongue, which I have nearly mastered, that the job wasn't for me.

Cooking 101 - The secret to make a good chapati, or anything circular from a ball of dough, is to caress the ball with a stick in all the right places, else it'll turn into a butterfly.
You may also enjoy this -

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Uneventful Events.

The past few days have passed without much shizzle.
Prom doesn't seem to excite me. Haven't even bothered much about the attire. Maybe because I'm a guy. Clothing has a lot to do with the gender. I might as well tweet from the ballroom. If you do follow me on twitter and if I do start tweeting from the ballroom, mainly due to the fact that I have no date, #Prom2012 will be the hashtag for the event.
Being the manager of a cricket team, which includes players I play with, is hard work. Almost no work at all. After a disaster with the class football team, resulting in my resignation after the first match, I gave up all hopes of becoming a manager again. Destiny had other plans. Here I am now with a 100% win record as manager of a cricket team.
I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to be doing. The Google search shall help me. Google search never fails. Worthy companion.

Another tsunami warning for India. No. I'm not ready for another candle light vigil. May Poseidon be with the ones in danger of losing homes and lives. May the Force be with them. Stay safe.

Suzanne Collins is epic. I love that she has managed to add a twist or a suspense at the end of every chapter of Catching Fire. It gives me the goosebumps and I stare at the final sentence of each chapter in awe for about five minutes on average. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Yeh IPL Hai, Boss

This is IPL, boss.

So the new season of the Indian Premier League started yesterday. It officially begun on 3rd April but the opening ceremony was lame, so it doesn't count. Filled with the glamour of Bollywood, one wondered whether it was the IPL opening ceremony night or just another Bollywood award show. Continuous re-runs of the TV ad will help erase the memories of the opening ceremony, but after a while, I'll have to burn the TV as the ad will become a torture. But for now, the TV is safe. The opening ceremony was bland, just like the food I'm being made to cook. Food, which I have no intention to eat later on in life. How is cooking such food going to help me? I don't know.

The first match between the Chennai Super Kings and the Mumbai Indians wasn't an epic one. Maybe the expectations were too high. The commentators blamed the pitch, saying that the pitch wasn't T20 friendly. The pitch curator must have been cursed in Tamil and fired by now by the CSK owners. Bloody traitor.
Hats off to the curator, though. Such a troll he is. It takes a lot of courage to introduce an alien wicket in the first match of one of the world's most glamorous tournament.
I will blame the opening ceremony for boring the crap out of the CSK team who were called on stage and made to shake their hips for their dismal performance.
Hopefully the pitch at Eden Gardens today will be a predictable one, according to whatever SRK and Gautam Gambhir have hoped for.