Hit and Run. Then Wake Up.

Baseball is a funny sport. Baseballers can bat for only 3 balls and people pay to watch it. Critics of cricket complain about a test match's 2 innings but apparently enjoy baseball's 9. Chucking is allowed. Shoaib Akhtar will be a great baseballer. I actually had to check Google for his spelling. Dayum, how forgotten is he? *shocked emoticon*

Why are baseball batsmen criminals?
Because all they do is hit and run.
Jokes.

I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be in front of a book, as usual. But I'm not, as usual.

I have this beautiful tune swimming through my head these days. Earlier it was the Star Wars theme song. Dexter's theme song plays in my head from the moment I wake up. I even look for a mosquito to smack when I open my eyes. It has captivated me. I hold a knife and the song plays in my head, I draw the shower curtain and the song plays in my head. I feel like Dexter Morgan completing his ritual when I'm surrounded by the plastic shower curtain. The theme song puts a spring in my step, just like Coldplay's Every Tear Drop Is A Waterfall.
"I wake up in the morning feeling like Dexter Morgan, look around for a mosquito and in the night I need to kill."
That ^ was supposed to play in your head like Ke$ha's Tik Tok (with minor adjustments where ever required)

I think I'm doped. But then again, I think many things.

"Open your eyes and look at what you did!!!"

Post Irene Depression.

It is official. I am dying. I haven't consulted a doctor. I don't need to. I'm cool like that, bro. This conclusion isn't due to the recent events, I had known it for quite some time. I just didn't want you to start celebrating that early.

Irene didn't harm me at all, but I managed to crack my toe nail by kicking a rolled up carpet. Which was rolled up because of Irene. And I have random red spots on my torso. Not chicken pox, genius. Death is imminent. I think I'm low on testosterone, that does in NO way mean that I'm high on estrogen.

The emo phase has begun. I'll be going into hiding for an 15 minutes or so. I'll say things that'll break hearts, relationships, friendships, flirtships, Titanic ships. Everyone goes through this phase.
We all have a dark passenger. A monster within us. Dexter Morgan is an epic man, so was Anakin Skywalker, but Anakin let his dark passenger consume him. I have a dark passenger too, he is sitting in a corner and being emo right now. He's a stupid guy, can't stay emo for long. I hate him.

"Your father was seduced by the dark side of the force". HA!

Hurricane Irene.

Hurricane Ir-F**king-ene.
What a bitch she turned out to be. I slept right through out the actual hurricane. But the aftermath sucked balls. The bloody basement of the house where I was staying flooded, up to 18 inches water. I wore swimming trunks the whole day. LOL, JK.

Irene, the bitch, knocked out electric power in the area where I was staying. Stupid stupid thing to do. Because of that I didn't have wifi. Which is why I believe I am a true survivor. I survived the hurricane, easy shit. I stayed for almost 2 whole days without connection to the internet. I felt like a caveman. It is hard, but I was strong.
I also might have reduced 20-30 kgs (read: 0 kg). I worked for more time than what an indolent person should should work for. I should be awarded the Bharat Ratna. No kidding.

Irene can be blamed for everything wrong that I do. I can;t think of anything more to add. (Blame Irene)

I once told a girl, "Don't worry, I won't rape you". Her parents hate me after that. Irene hadn't struck yet, but I blame it on Irene.
I've said many things, have you? If you have, I don't think it matters to me.

"Tera kya hoga, Kaliya?"

Lights. Camera. Hurricane.

Ever looked death in the face and smiled? Ever looked up to the heavans waiting for death and smiled? Ever looked at the TV set watching a news reporter talking about Hurricane Irene and smiled? I did only the last thing. The other two might happen during the course of Hurricane Irene.

I'm psyched about the hurricane. It feels like I'm waiting in line for Jumeirah Scaireh. So PSYCHED! Its my first hurricane. I can't wait for it to bang USA.

Food during natural calamities shouldn't be a problem for me. Fridges here store more food than refugee camps in Africa. Pantries here are like mini grocery stores. If cereal runs out, there are 5 more boxes of the same in the basement.

Lights, Camera, Action.
Its a dark, rainy, gloomy, windy outside Akshith's home. Akshith, standing next to one of the window,  looks outside, sees branches strewn on the front yard, babies fluting, diapers hitting faces, and says, in a low, mysterious, emo voice, "There is a hurricane coming, I can feel it" *Thunder* *Lightning*.
Black out.

^ That is what I expect to do.

Think about this - 

"Sometimes, nonsense makes more sense than common sense", Akshith Dass.

 It has started to rain outside...

Natural Calamity Thoughts.

Recently (yesterday) I started thinking. You're screwed, I know. The post Food.Rain.Girl has the maximum hits. I think I know why. Because of that girl mentioned in the title. Ha! Gotcha. You are such a dawg. I have a good social life. A girl I see and like shouldn't be a surprise.

FTK is stuck in some remote part of India with no Internet. That isn't a surprise, is it?

Yesterday, after I was done thinking, I did unconventional things. Unconventional for a person in America. Not neccessarily unconventional for an Indian in Amercia. I had Pani Puri at home and I watched a hindi movie at home. I watched Tere Bin Laden. I know the movie is old, but so is your mom. Its a beautiful movie. And its even funnier when you're watching a guy trying to get into US while you're sitting in US and watching him. Its an epically funny movie. You should watch it.

The post doesn't agree with the title.

I'm missing lots of shizz happening in Dubai, while my butt is 11037 kilometers or 6859 miles or 5960 nautical miles away. Bleh, who cares?

Remember the earthquake I mentioned earlier? Now, there is a hurricane coming up on Sunday. Its called Irene. It'll probably going to bang the crap out of NY. My flight is from JFK (in NY, foo). I'm probably going to die. I'm excited though. My first hurricane. It might probably be like my first kiss. I will be blown away, not by the orgasmic experience, but by the wind force, duhh.

Some of my bros have been sorted on Pottermore. I'm still waiting for the email. I hope they get killed by a troll.

Lashker - E- America - Invading America since 2002.

A better place to be in.

USA is a beautiful place to be. It is really beautiful. New Jersey is beautifully green and flowery. Manhattan is beautifully the best place on this planet popularly called Earth. America is beautifully filled with beautiful women.The Anti-Corruption drama and India's murder in England have made me despise India and love America even more. The US Open is a beautiful place. Other than the beautiful earthquake that shook my ass, it was unordinarily, but still beautifully uneventful.
Manhattan is still beautiful. Its better than India. What.. noooo... *shot and killed*
Times Square gave me a beautiful orgasmic type feeling by just standing there among other beautiful people. Central Park is a beautiful place. It has turtles.

Getting into college here is hard. Beautifully hard! Colleges are made to suck your beautiful blood.

But America has an extremely unbeautiful aspect - The Tissue Paper System.

"I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you
Where we can both fall over in love."

Complete Waste.

This post is a waste. I'm in no mood to type. Which is why this is a fail, but still cool, post. That is all.

Foodie Ke Dohe

There is this cool guy
Who writes poems to diss you
Who is taller than me
Who can probably rhyme better than me
Who is going to be AR's new entry      (THAT ACTUALLY RHYMED)

Call him Foodie
He will make you think about life with his poems
And make you feel emotionally fuzzy
He will bring a new feel to your AR experience
He will hit you if you say bum.

I'm a poet now. I'm getting cooler. Call the new guy FoodieTheKavi, or FTK!

Because I'm cool.

I like using the word cool now for everything. I'm cool. Boss is boring now. Cool is cool. Like really cool. The weather here is cool too. So is the new Vote for me at BlogAdda.com thingy next to this post.
Click on the 5th star. You'll become cool. I could vote for myself, but then I won't be THAT cool.

Have you ever felt that the post title doesn't actually relate to the post content? You have? Really? You're cool, like me.Isn't that what AR is about? The reality is that the post isn't what the title says it is.
Okay, what-ev-aaah.

It did rain yesterday, 6 hours late and 10 miles away from where I'm staying. Americans call rainfall as storms, I get scared. There must be a lot of Indians working in the US Met-Dept. Indians living in America are cool too. They are brown with an American accent. Indians with an English accent are cool-er. Indians getting white washed in England are the coolest. They pretty stupid also. I didn't watch the last test match. God saved me.

I'm going to buy clothes today, hopefully. "In the world of emoticons, I would be colon, capital d right now", Sheldon Cooper, PhD.

"One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs,
Or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls."

A new day, a different place.

In the last one week, I have been through six different cities/towns, visited 4 different airports, been on a flight twice. I'm the Man of Steel, I'm Superman. I could easily apply for a World Record. I won't though.

Wasn't supposed to post today as per plans. But when do plans actually work out? I was supposed to white water rafting, show off my "abs" to the whites. But apparently it is supposed to rain today. I don't think it will. US Open qualifiers, I might go on Tuesday, or else/and Manhattan I hope. I <3 Manhattan. Name your daughter Manhattan, and I will marry her. LOL, JK.

Etihad placed Batman:The Beginning in the classic movies' list. My respect for the Abu Dhabi dudes shot up faster than India's inflation.

Hope. Thats the word. You never know whats going to happen, but you hope. If it happens, you feel like a boss, if it doesn't, you feel, "well I only hoped for it".

900+ hits already. Wow. Simply, wowilicious.

Amreeekaa 2011.

USA! USA! USA!
JFK airport probably has more brown people than white. Brown people are so cool. Black people dress weird. I'm such a racist.

14 hours is an insanely long flying time. Your kidney gets a good work out, though.

Short posts nowadays. I have plans for this place. May they work out.

This place has lightsabers. That is all.

This is the shizz.

You can run but you can't hide.

I post this from Abu Dhabi Airport. Burger King for breakfast. I'm such a boss.

Don't change the channel.

Lets run away.

Blogging has become a hobby now. Typing on this blank space soothes me. 3 posts in a day. w00t.

I won't be available tomorrow. I will be on a plane (AGAIN!) to the Empire State. Unlike these guys.

Miss me. I won't.

I'm supposed to be asleep, but I'm up thinking of baby names.

Tell your bf, gf, bff, dad, mom, neighbour, etc., about this.

There he was in an electronics store, flinging his outstreched arms like a lunatic in front of an LED screen, shaking his hips for precise drifts, cursing drivers in front of him while he played Kinect. 

Once upon a time...

Alternating Reality isn't my first blog. "Wait. WHAT?! You were cool before as well?" Yes.

I once had a blog called My Great American Holiday or something like that. It turned out to be pretty stupid.

This was my first post on blogger, 2 years ago. I got nostalgic suddenly. -

America-The Land of Dreams...

Before you engage yorself into reading about my trip..Please be aware that this is kinda long and I will be distracted while typing this and go off-topic..So Please Be Patient...
The trip is divided into 3 parts according to the 3 weeks I stayed there.

So sit back and enjoy the read...

Hope you like it.. :D

Hello dear readers...

Our journey to the American land on the 1st of Aug..Embarking on a 14 hour flight which took off at 'round 12:45 am (DST) to Dulles International Airport ,Washington D.C..The flight was smooth ,watched some useless movies,. to kill my time..First watched Monsters v/s aliens-Time pass Then a few seconds of Watchmen was enough to put me to sleep..*even though my brother and I had RESOLVED not to *.Which eventually caused me to miss my meal..*Which also was RESOLVED to be eaten..(not that I was hungry or anything but if some lady offers a meal MILES above the ground I don't feel like rejecting... ;) )..So two out of two resolutions for the flight broken..Aaah what the heck, Resolutions are meant to be broken..Seems like I'm going off topic..buh had a couple of Kitkats ..yummy..Well time does fly when you are flying.. :P..

We successfully landed on US soil on Aug 1st,6:30 am (ET) which is 1430 in Dubai..our final destination was actually Newark airport in New Jersey and thus we had to change flights.But before that could take place ,since we had Immigrant visas,we had some immigration process to complete,which unfortunately took a LONG time ( due to An AMERICAN :@ ) we managed to miss the flight,scheduled at 8:15 and had to wait till 4:30 for the next one..On which we got on , no thanks to the stupid airport officials..

Waiting 6 hours for an hour's flight - STUPID..We couold have drived to New Jersey in the same time..Buh What the Heck...

Reached New Jersey at 5 : 30 pm and were recieved by my maternal uncle,Mr.Paresh Damania...

Wow what a beginning to the vacations...We finally reached their home at 'round 7 pm..Ending the 27 hour journey.. omg..

The next day, Aug 2nd..Turned out to be my l'il brother's ( Karanesh) 12th birthday..Which was celebrated at an Indian Restaurant,as my auntie's( Mrs Sangita Damania) surprise b'day..So it was an 2 in 1 package.. Yay..

The best part about August is that Maist of my family members are born in it..So which is a blessing for me .. Cause More birthdays = More Parties = More Cake.. =D...

The next few days were of less excitement..

The nest big thing in the 1st week was the trip to the Empire State,New York...These Ameicans have the concept of giving each state a title..like-New Jersey is the Garden State,New York is the Empire..And so on..

So the 1st thing on our NY agenda was the United Nations,where we reached at arouund 11:30 am..Unfortunately,we could not take the tour of the UN General Assembly and Security Council because the tour was at 2 pm..The best part about NY is that we can walk around the city and reach all the major attractions with the help of your legs and a map..Moving on or rather Walking on..From the UN we went to the Majestic,Superior Empire State Building..Risng to a height of 443.2 meters,its the tallest bldg in New York..and an iconic symbol of the city and the US. A must see..From the 86th floor ( its observation deck) of this tower I could see awesome 360 degrees view of Manhattan and the surrounding areas...
Next stop-A meal in Burger King :P...Re-filled, we walked towards one of the most famous squares in the W.O.R.L.D,The phenomenal, ever bustling ,heart of NYC-Times Square..This place is unbelievable..So many people,so many branded stores ,etc.,...anyone would LOVE it..I did.. :P

Also saw Macy's ( which my dad thought was the world's largest toy store..This really got my brother VERY VERY excited..But unfortunate to him..It turned out to be something completley different--Some stupid Cosmetics , and lady thingy store , so that was kinda sad..)

Then unfortunately it was time to leave so went to the Port Authority Bus Terminal for the ride back to NJ....

This wasn't the last time I went to NYC in this trip..( find out more in the ending.. ;) )

The next BIG thing in the 1st week was the trip yo a theme park called Six Flags-Great Adventure. This a a humungous park with SO many roller coasters and is also home to the TALLEST roller coaster - Kingda Ka..Its HUGE!The size can chicken you out instantly.When I went, I guess it chickened everyone out ( including me ) that I didn't see the coaster go on it the whole day...

The first ever roller coaster which I went on was called superman, that was after a 90 minute wait in the Q.But the wait was worth it...There was also the classic, the wooden roller coaste which I went on....That was one hell of a ride...
That about does it for the firt week in the US...
Coming in the next post - The 2nd week in Cincinnatti, Ohio.

Serial killer pharmacist and bag packing.

Finally, after 10 days, I watched an episode of Dexter yesterday. I'm on season 5 now and I know I'm late. But then watching S5 now would keep Dexter alive in my head when S6 arrives. I can't wait. I love the way Dexter kills people. Michael C Hall makes it look like fun, almost like a hobby/part time job. It looks so easy, makes me wanna kill. You wouldn't be alive then. *happy-evil emoticon here*

Packing a bag is such a bitch. It requires massive levels of attention, decision making, extreme expertise in Tetris, good remembering skills, etc.,. Apparently I suck in all those aspects, which is why I forgot my sim card, coffee powder in B'lore and probably broke previous carry on baggage weight record by smuggling in 7 extra kilograms. Which is also why I didn't pack my bag for the USA trip. America deprived me of cricket today.

Fracas is such a beautiful word. Its pronunciation makes my lips feel good. Good lips are important.
Phhrrraacasss. Phhrr.


Me : 1 box of Neocold.
Pharmacist (searching on his computer for Neucold) - Umm, we don't have Neocold. *searches again* Neocold, uhh nothing coming, nothing coming for Neocold.
Me (in my head): I am so blogging about you.

Akshth visits the barber.

Ever felt defeated by the forces of your parents? Ever felt like a British man who gave in to Gandhiji's vigil? I felt that way today.
I have a proclivity towards saying genuinely stupid things at times. For example, today I said,"I'm going to get a hair cut". .Hearing that my parents, undoubtedly, became the happiest parents at that moment. The smile on their faces, the prayers on their lips thanking the Almighty for giving me some sense..

I waited for 3 months for my beautiful mane. It was so sexy, silky, delightful, etc. The barber cut it off within 10 minutes and left a short stubble of hair on my scalp. I saw my outer ear after a month, I felt the cool air conditioned breeze touching my scalp after 2 months. I touched newly discovered parts of my head. I'm guessing  that my weight reduced after the hair cut. My head feels cooler than before, I look younger than before, I feel stupider than before. I know you're laughing on my ill-fate. I don't loathe you.

OhMyGod, Daedalus has spoken from his grave. I wonder where he got the internet connection from.

Ishant Sharma's delivery just hit Strauss' helmet. YEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! He's still alive and batting though. And he looks like James Anderson now.

Things have been disappearing from this blog. The poll isn't there, somehow the fb like thingy doesn't exist... Voldemort is back.

I Can't Think Of A Title.......

I recently awoke from my week long slumber.
Boy did it feel good. It felt as if just for one tiny fraction of my life, I felt truly at peace and truly at ease, much reflecting Akshith's feelings in the post below.
Why did I take such a long break anyway?
The answer is, I wanted to get away from my laptop in general as I was suffering from a digital burnout.
Didn't work out that well, but I refrained from posting here.
Now that I am here, I don't have much to say.

Should I talk about the Full HD Lord Of The Rings Trilogy I finished downloading or should I talk about my latest obsession, i.e The Hunger Games series of books (Check it out on Wiki, ain't gonna link it for you lazy /b/ tards.

Let's say I talk about books. Do YOU read books?
Yes? That's very good, you should. Any Favorites?
No? Fuck off. That is all.

Great, now I've exhausted one topic I wanted to talk about without actually saying much.
Now what?
Should I talk about the debacle of the Indian Government that ensued because they arrested the *only* man fighting against corruption?
Because that, my friends was an epic fail on the hands of the Indian Government.
I mean seriously, don't they have people sitting around tables discussing whether a particular action would have consequences? Sheesh.

Hmmm.....Sheesh.
Reminds me of the Sheesh Kebob I'm gonna have for Iftar today, after which I'll be eating 4 shawermas.
Yes people, gluttony FTW.

In other headlines,  I started studying.
Just a bit from here and there, just so I don't feel guilty after school starts.
It's hard, I mean who wants to spend their holidays studying?
But I guess, to get into a college with hot chicks, you need to get a grade and then get laid.
See what I did there? Damn, I'm a rhyming pervert.

Enough of this random rant.
See ya later homies.

<=3

Jet lagged, I think.

I don't feel alive at this moment, but its a beautiful feeling. My eyes, ears and brain are out of balance. The noise around me is blending into a beautiful melody which my brain isn't capable of comprehending. I don't know what I'm looking at. I'm doped.
The intense humidity here is depriving me of my awesome.

Anna Hazare is such a beast. I don't understand how fasting is fun, but when Anna does it in jail, it looks like fun. I think I'm going to fast. LOL, JK.

Daedalus is dead. May his rioting soul rest in peace.

 दावा लेते रहना, हवा चोदते रहना |

Wow.

 

Who let the cows out?

Moo. Moo. MooMoo. LOL

Once a British guy said ,"Unleash the cows on the revolting South Indians." Bangalore was screwed with cow poop thereafter. (Its fun blaming the British. I'm tired of blaming Indian politicians. Give them a break.)
So many cows in B'lore. If there is a documentary filmed on the cows in Bangalore, it can very well be released called Rise Of The Planet Of The Cows and become a box office hit. THAT many cows on the streets. If you're invited to visit a dairy farm, laugh on whoever invited you, and book a ticket to B'lore.
Sometimes, I wish I was a cow. They seem to have a charmed life. They eat what they want, walk where ever they want, excrete where ever they want. No one can do anything to them. They have the force with them. They can cause a traffic jam by just standing on the road. Russel Peters said, " The only time traffic in India comes to a stop is when there is a cow on the road." Touch them with your car and PETA will go ape on you. Beautiful. What beasts. I wish I was a cow.

Didn't post for a while now. No, I wasn't busy. Internet ille.

I leave for the desert late at night today. I'll miss this cow & dog infested place. I'll miss my family and "friends". I'll miss the dosa. My last post from India this year. I leave for the US soon after I land in the desert.

I post this from SAT class. Jobless I am. Oooh, 500+ hits in a week. Thank you all.

I can't wait to download Mylo Xyloto illegally.

"Every tear drop is a waterfall" 

That is all from Bangalore. Peace. Dosa.

It happens for good.

Dear Readers

How have you been doing?

I’m sleepy.

Did you miss me? Even if you say no, I’m taking it as a yes because I know you did. No point denying it, you’ll have better luck trying to convince your chuddy-buddies that you don’t like that girl in your building. I always end up blabbing about a girl, don’t I?

I didn’t post yesterday for two reasons, firstly to teach you the art of being patient. See, I’m a good guy.
Secondly, I didn’t have time. I didn’t have time to notice good looking people on my way home from SAT class. I was THAT busy.

Some of you future IITians will rubbish me. Okay, I wasn’t THAT busy.

Sehwag got a King Pair. I might very well be dead, if I wasn’t THAT busy. Cook played like a true boss and got out like a true Indian. I heard this on T.V - “It was a mountainous inning with no peak” or something like that, I liked it. Experts of the game may be tired of Sehwag’s batting performance and India’s fail no.1 ranking, I don’t blame them. I have my own theory, I believe what Ranbir says is true, Indian batsmen aren’t performing because the dressing room is in the wrong location. Curse you English architects.

Very soon, I won’t have time to think on such ^ interesting topics. Soon, I’ll complete high school, wear a robe kind of thing which will undoubtedly make me feel like Harry, and I may even get my wand to the graduation ceremony. Soon, I’ll have to make important decisions which will affect my life. My brain feels funny when I think about my future. Does yours? No? Get a life.

It’s a harsh and unforgiving life out there. I can’t make decisions; I’m scared of the “What If” and hence of failing. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had a high success rates in decision making, because of which, I don’t become captain of the gully cricket team. I kinda like it when some decisions are imposed on me, there’s no way out. I can’t even order food in a restaurant! There is so much to choose from. Damn.

I’ll have to just go with the flow.

"Whatever happens happens for good".

I like that ^ saying. Makes life easier. It makes my future destiny’s mistake. Bleh.

Happy Rakshabandan sisters. No, I’m not distributing gifts or Cadbury celebrations like that guy on TV.

Akshith has a bad day and speaks out, (kinda).

Virender Sehwag’s golden duck should’ve warned me about it. His bad outing at Edgbaston meant that my day wouldn't be a peaceful one. You must be wondering what bullshit. You’re wrong. Ha! I can crap on you because I have a blog. #likeaboss.


Virender Sehwag and I share a common birthday (along with my grade 10 Social Studies and grade 4class teacher) . HOW SEXY IS THAT (excluding what is in the bracket)?! HA! Thus I conclude that I share a connection with Viru. I call him Viru. More on that connection later.


So, I didn't figure out that I’ll be having an emotionally unstable day then. It kinda became obvious later on. In the SAT class, I was in a room with two of the chattiest girls in the UNIVERSE during a bloody surprise test! How the hell can I think about the essay writing part when around me the two females talk to each other about parties and sleepovers.


After that was done, I had to confront Stupid Friend (SF for short). His brain is probably a single cell of differentiated tissue, and the part of the brain that figures out the obvious is absent in his single celled brain. I cannot leak the contents of our conversation, he’ll kill me. It’s funny how people can bully me via the internet. Bastards. In short, after the blood sucking testing, I took up the role of smart kid and good friend and explained almost every minute detail of how he should approach his “friend” *wink.wink* He still didn't figure it out.


India's crap batting added to the gloom. My grandmom's epic statement made things a little better, watching Dhoni bat, she said, "Dahi khai ne aayvo hasey". That's in Gujarati.


Later in bed *ALONE!* I started to think and when that happens shit happens, I get sad. I started wondering about why the hell am I even blogging? Who the hell even wants to read my blog? What’s the use of spamming random people, going through those painful security checks, which are more helpful to catch drunk drivers than stop spamming? Why should I waste my time to force you to read? After few more questions, I don’t remember them now, I check the blog nostalgically and saw the rioter’s post. That changed things.


I received the Pottermore congratulations e-mail. That just owned the sad and crappy me.


I ate a dosa in the morning. That destroyed the still partly sad me.


I typed on a typewriter in the morning. The thuck thuck sounds made me feel like a boss. And I thought screw you, I’m blogging. Blogging makes me a boss. See what I did to SF up there ^, he’s probably crying now.


OMG THE BLOG LOOKS BEAUTIFUL! BLOGASM! Thank you Daedalus. 

SEASON 1|EPISODE 1.5|TAKE 51

Hello again.

What?

You came back for more Alternating Reality™? Good.

It means this blog has made some of it’s aspirations come true.

More on that cheesiness later. 

Let’s start about me shall we? 17 Year Old geek living in Dubai trying to make it big in his unforgiving world (and earn my letter to Hogwarts in the process). Wait, why does that sound clichéd?
I believe that you shouldn’t take life too seriously, if you do you’ll end up like Osama Bin Laden, shot in the head and dumped in the sea.
Didn’t end well for him did it? 

FUGGITY FUCK

Yes, you might notice I swear more than Akshith, it’s just that swearing makes people sit up and take notice. (LOL jk). Among other things happening in my life, just watched Delhi Belly, my first Hindi movie after about a year.
Why, you non-patriotic fuck? (Some may be inclined to say)
Well, the quality of Bollywood has gone down from Cheesy to Cheap Rip-Offs to Absolute pathetic-ness.
But it’s movies like these that bring out the awesomeness in Indian Cinema.
Amen to film-making by Aamir Khan (Y)In other headline worthy news, the light in my building just went off.
Damn. I’ll have to end this random rant soon. There, people in my building are getting worked up. Chill homies, it’s not the end of the world yeah?

 Did I mention that I was a geek? Well, sit up and stand down for there shall be a lot of technical jargon in my upcoming posts.
I was keeping it clean for my first post, the other posts won’t get the same treatment. There will be helpful tutorials, you can ‘ask’ for help regarding absolutely anything and we’ll see what I can do. (Notice the ‘I’? Yeah for cheesiness)

Lot of the paragraphs end abruptly.

There it happened again, well that’s because my brain keeps shifting it’s focus.
ADHD much? I would’ve said.
Then again, does it really matter?

Well, still here?

Sweeeeeet.

See you soon :*
-Suspense Hai Boss

Food.Rain.Girl.

Before I start with my story, I advise you to fill your bellies. Click here – www.hungryhamza.tumblr.com for more information on yummy ways to do so. The writer is an ever hungry bwoy.

Now for my story.

I landed in Bangalore on 17^th July. It was drizzling.

Until the 6^th of August, the rain visited me for ONLY 3 days. During the SAT classes between 17^th July and 6^th Aug, I had an umbrella with me. I didn’t need it.

6^th Aug – It rained. I was indoors.

7^th Aug – It rained HARDER. I was indoors.

8^th Aug – It rained harder than HARDER. I was indoors.

9^th Aug – It rained like a boss. I wasn’t indoors.

I was walking home from SAT classes. And then it happened. The rain struck. Lights went out. It was like the paranormal activity, only scarier and more realistic. And I asked the rain god, “WHY TODAY?! YOU KNEW I WASN’T CARRYING AN UMBRELLA, DIDN’T YOU?!” Mr. Rain god laughed at me and said something in Godtongue, I didn’t understand ‘cuz I speak parseltongue. I had been a victim of god’s pranks. 

After all the chit-chat I gained commonsense but only for a second. I looked cover, I found cover, by then I had used up the commonsense, and I ignored the cover. I continued walking in the rain. And I continued to walk, no commonsense struck me. Its maybe because of the adventurer in me. I felt like a boss. 

And then I saw her. There she was, sitting outside Café Coffee Day with her friends. She was pretty, commonsense hit me. So I stood next to her table to get away from the rain. I stood there for 5 minutes looking at her. I got bored after that, so I started walking in the rain again. I liked what Mr. rain god did. Thank you.

I came back home and thought about that girl. She saved me from almost a billion diseases that I would have been diagnosed with if I would have been in the rain for those 5 minutes. May the force be with her. May I see more life saving pretty girls.

English dubbed Hindi ads are not fun to watch. Just saying.

The total page views widget shows an insanely high number for a blog active for 3 days. It’s probably correct. It’s probably busted. It’s probably my other personality refreshing the page continuously. Whatever it is, it’s pleasing me.

I do not know what happened to the new author. He was supposed to show up. Maybe he's busy rioting in Tottenham. Enjoy.

That is all for now. The blog might look different the next time you see it. Don’t freak out.

Acknowledgements and a new rambler.

Thank you.
I'm very glad that you liked what you read yesterday.
My Facebook wall was filled with more wall posts than what it got on my birthday.
To show how grateful I am, I've changed the blog template, added a poll, and the number of page views. Wow, 100+ already. See, see. :D
Many more boxes to arrive soon. 
Personalizing a blog is hard work. Proposing to your girlfriend is easier. Try it. I dare you.
The page views thingy is added only for my personal satisfaction. It makes me smile. You want to see me smiling, trust me.


Yesterday was a good day. Alternating Reality came life. I got wall posts. I was pleased.
I received "that" much awaited e-mail from a friend. I was very pleased.
Someone actually commented on of the posts. I was pleased.


Okay, enough about me and before this crappy WiFi connection which I'm "stealing" ( Did I mention that I'm in Bangalore? No? Okay) gets disconnected and shows me words that I've started to dread the most - Limited or No Connectivity, Alternating Reality now has a new member. A new author. Yes, clap for him. ENOUGH! His name shall be revealed by him. Suspense hai boss.


I will be back. I've got stuff to do and places to go.

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep." , Robert Frost.

ooh, I've always wanted to try italics. Fancy.


Oh, Facebook page up. The social plug in box will be up soon, as soon as I can figure it out. Loong way to go.

Spammers.

Alternating Reality is a bit, only a BIT mind you, like alternating current, you don’t understand what either of them mean, but you’re thankful for whatever the heck they are!

Hiring people to spam for you is hard work. The spammers (Is that even a word? If its not, then I’m so #badass) don’t understand their importance. Some of them think that I think that they’re stupid and hence been given a menial chore. Yes, some of them are really stupid, but spamming isn’t a menial chore. It takes a lot of courage to spam people you don’t know, people whom you’re never going to meet in your life, and people who shared a bed with you for a night. Spammers will be ridiculed, laughed at, or worse, ignored. Their efforts will not even yield a like on their comment, or even an i-don’t-give-a-damn-get-lost emoticon. It’s a harsh, unforgiving world out there. I’ve been there. Trust me.

Bloggers need spammers. Spammers need victims. Victims need to chill out and read a blog. Hence, a circle. I call it The Circle Of Blog.

Friendship Day passed. I didn’t give a damn. I’m so #badass.

I watched Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. I didn’t know Tom Felton was in it. I got so excited when I saw him. Not the homosexual type exited you pervo. The excitement was like the one seen on a 5 year old’s face when his/her father brings out a coin from behind his/her ear. Such innocent joy. :’)

This blog’s alliance has changed. GOOD BYE TUMBLR, no, its not your fault, its me. #breakup

Hello Blogspot. Be good.

Alternating Reality - First Steps.

Hello. Thank you for making it this far. You must’ve had a hard time ignoring the repeated reminders, that my minions have been issuing,  to check this blog. I know it has been difficult for you. I know you have been spammed. I take full responsibility for it. I’m so #badass (ooh a hashtag)

Alternating Reality, the place where you might, if you’re lucky, get to see what really goes on in my brain ( whatever that is  left of it), otherwise you shall be enlightened with the happenings in an ordinarily unique child’s life struggling for survival in this harsh, unforgiving world. LOL, no, I don’t live in the grasslands of Ethopia. Or any other forest, that is. I find it cool to exaggerate the condition of this world. ENOUGH ABOUT THE WORLD! I won’t tell you about what’s REALLY happening in the differentiated mass of tissue protected by my cranium, I’m afraid to do so. I’m scared of letting anyone in that dark corner of my brain. I’m afraid you might… Umm … Die. I don’t want to lose a reader. See, I’m a good guy. #win.

Let me be frank with you, I was inspired to blog. Yes, I do get inspired,(by few). I was inspired by BurstingRandomosity, whose author/founder/whatever is a good friend of mine. I am so humble. #winagain

When Alternating Reality isn’t talking about my love life, my obsession with good, silky hair, Taylor Swift songs, etc, varied and controversial topics such as why the chicken actually crossed the road, who left the dogs out, where is Voldemort’s nose, Pottermore, India’s cricketing woes, India’s increased population, Biology.NOT. why doesn’t Snape use shampoo, will Sachin ever retire, will Navjot Singh Siddhu ever stop fake laughing, will this list ever end, etc., shall be discussed. But these discussions will take a long time to be published due to the lengthy and painstaking research required and because the obsessions mentioned above (pay attention, you fool! :@, sorry) are of greater importance.

There will be a lot of swearing on this blog. No, don’t tell my mom about it, you snitch! It’s only fair that the troubled author(s) get full freedom to let their inner rage out, after all it is a harsh, unforgiving world as mentioned above. (You didn’t know that, did you? B******d, stars for now. First post). But worry not, swearing will be limited, Delhi Belly will still have more swear words than this blog, we don’t want the blog to be blocked in the UAE, do we? Oh, btw, I stay in Dubai. Yes, the one with the boat shaped hotel and the tallest empty tower and the palm shaped island that looks good only when you’re flying over it.

Alternating Reality will have guest authors on it. These authors have no work in life. That is why they’ll spend their time to entertain your face muscles. Wait, WHAT?!

I’m spoiling my eyes by sitting in front of a screen with letters. I need to eat a carrot. LOL. Jk.

I do hope I see you on the next post.

Au revoir. French, bitch.

Btw, follow me on twitter @IAmAkshith.

The Facebook page will be up soon.